Sola Allyson and Irresponsible Journalism
By: Deji Yesufu
I saw a link online by the Nigerian Tribune that bore the caption “Marriage hasn’t given me joy”. It was a caption quoting Nigerian musician Sola Allyson. The link included a thumbnail prominently featuring Allyson’s husband, Toyin Obaniyi. I know Toyin and Sola a little and was a bit taken aback by the caption on that thread. I immediately checked the link, and the report had it that Sola Allyson had appeared on a Oyinmomo TV, where she shared a little about her life, marriage, and music career. They quoted Sola as saying she was not happy in her marriage; that she lived in a separate house from her husband, etc. In summary, they concluded that Sola Allyson’s marriage was on the rocks – and the interview was something of a tell-all to the press. When I read the story, I was sad. I immediately spoke with a friend with whom I attended an Ibadan church some years back, a church that Sola and her family also attended at the time. We both mourned the challenges that marriages have to endure in these times, explaining that even leaving Nigeria has not made marriages less prone to breakups.
This morning, I had the good sense of listening to that interview myself, and I could not believe what I was hearing. Sola Allyson said nothing about her marriage breaking up; she did not say she and her husband were living in separate houses. She was completely misquoted. After watching the interview, I immediately tried to check the Tribune link again, and I discovered that it had been pulled down. Somebody in the editorial team of that reputable media house had noticed the error and removed the story completely. While I celebrated this, I noticed that many other blogs had picked up the original story that the Tribune published and had run away with it. They, on the other hand, have not pulled down their articles. The height of irresponsible journalism is listening to a person and totally misconstruing what they have said. If the statement had been made privately and the report was then misconstrued, one could understand. But how do journalists today listen to an interview that the whole world has the opportunity to listen to and reach a different conclusion from everyone? It beats me completely. The quest for clickbait should not reduce the high standard that journalism should come with. Thankfully, Tribune has redeemed itself. I hope that these blogs will do the same. While on the matter of Sola Allyson and her interview, it might be beneficial to examine what Sola Allyson actually said in that interview.
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Sola Allyson spoke about her marriage. This is what she said essentially: “…I have married a man… I am not in a man’s house… He is in my house… and I am in his house…” She said essentially that a woman should not be subordinated to her husband – there should be a sense of equality in marriage. That a man does not own the woman; a woman is her own self, who has come into a marriage to help the man. She made it clear that a woman should not compete with a man. Rather, the two should complement each other.
One must understand Allyson and where she is coming from. The generation of many of our parents in Nigeria came from a culture where women are only seen but are not heard. In some places, the woman is almost treated like cattle – a thing to be used. A lot of such people do not even think that women should be educated. I will regard it as one extreme. Now, the challenge with life is that in the process of running from one extreme, we flee to the other extreme. It takes understanding and wisdom to reach a healthy balance. It is this other extreme that I discerned in Allyson’s words – the world of feminism. The idea of the independent woman. The woman who is equal to her husband. The woman who questions the whole idea of submission. Allyson actually said that the man and woman should submit to each other (ignoring the fact that the Ephesians 5:21-24 scripture that says man and wife should submit to each other, had verse 21 speaking to the overall context of fellowship in church, while verses 22-24 was speaking about authority in the home).
Here is the healthy balance to it all: the home, the church, and the society must be led by men. Women are able helpers to these men. The husband and the wife are not equals; the husband is lord to the wife (1Peter3:6). A responsible man (in this context, a Christian man) must earn the respect of his wife by ordering his home in the wisdom of God: providing for them, protecting them, and giving them leadership. In such a context, after years of offering such leadership, the question of equality in the home never comes up. The father leads – period. When men sell their rights of leadership to irresponsible living and sin, women have to step into the gap. And this is where you begin to have the kind of commentaries you get from Sola Allyson. Allyson has spoken based on what she knows, and it is just fine. The higher ground I am inviting my readers to is to understand that men can offer their homes such leadership that cannot be disputed by any kind of feminism.
Sola Allyson also spoke about the fact that marriage is difficult and that if any couple wants to make a success of their marriage, they will need to work at it. She explained that many people give false impressions of what marriage is to younger people, where they make people believe that marriage is bed of roses. She responded to some questions from the anchor by saying that while her husband is still at home with her, things could change tomorrow. It was comments like these that the bloggers saw and concluded that her marriage was on the rocks. But the woman was being dreadfully honest. I have written two articles explaining this very thing: marriage is difficult. There is no point telling the world that one’s marriage is a bed of roses – it is simply not the case. On this particular point, I am 100% with Allyson. I hope that young people entering marriage will have their minds well prepared. I think that, like anything in life, if couples use the time of courtship to agree on how to handle difficult moments that can arise in marriage, they are likely to rise above those things when they happen. There are some marriages where one spouse spends all the time saying that no challenge will befall their marriage, all in the name of positive confessions. Unfortunately, they enter into marriage and realize that there is no amount of positive confession that can evade challenges in a home.
On the whole, I enjoyed the interview Sola Allyson granted Oyinmomo. It revealed some aspects of the lady that I did not know at all. She explained that her rise in life and through the music industry was both fortuitous and the blessings of God. She spoke about those who influenced her singing – men like Pasuma, Obesere, KWAM1, etc. She spoke about how she always knew she was a queen, despite growing up in so much destitution. She is clearly very independent-minded and also very intelligent. She revealed to me something I have always suspected about the human being, which is that God has put gifting in all of us. These gifts are honed through education and providence. She spoke of how one man led her to study music, rather than English or Law, which she originally intended to study. And she spoke about how she has known growth both in life, career, and family. She said she never actually planned anything in her life; her life simply panned out through the grace of God. She wishes she did not have to work as hard as she does to get things in life, but she also realizes that nothing good comes to us in life without hard work.
Sola Allyson concluded by saying that she fears granting interviews because she is almost always quoted out of context by journalists. The interview was barely out before bloggers began to reach very irresponsible conclusions about what she said. I have written about where I disagreed with Madam Sola in this article. This is quite different from misquoting her and reaching conclusions that she never intended. One can understand why Sola Allyson will not grant another interview to a Nigerian media again. She did not deserve this kind of press coverage; our journalism can do a lot better than this.
Deji Yesufu is the pastor of Providence Reformed Baptist Church Ibadan. He is the author of HUMANITY. He can be reached at [email protected]
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