Lessons from a Scuffle on a Plane (The Wants of Our Time)
By: Deji Yesufu
Nigerians woke up to a spectacle yesterday. Social media was inundated with videos of a young lady being dragged off an airline. In the scuffle, her blouse was torn open, revealing her breasts to the camera. Judging by what we saw and what might have occasioned the debacle, this young lady had assaulted the airline hostess, and she was being prevented from leaving the plane until airport security arrived to arrest her. The security did arrive, and the next thing that greeted the nation was a semi-X-rated play. If that young woman had had the decency of wearing a bra, in the same manner that she wore trousers, perhaps I would not be writing this essay. Other reports emerging from the story reveal that the girl was indeed arrested and has been remanded in Kirikiri prison, where the authorities plan to charge her for public disturbance. Another twist to the story, however, explains that the girl might have been set up by the airline authorities. Someone who was on that flight explained on a social media post that the girl indeed complied with the directive to have her phone switched to “flight mode” and that, for reasons best known to the airline, they decided to prevent her from leaving the plane. It was her protest that led to the drama that greeted the country yesterday.
As a public commentator, I have long been concerned with the way and manner in which Nigerians conduct themselves in public. I have written about the phenomenon I call Nigerian Bigmanism before – the attitude of pride that many Nigerians wear in public, which makes it nearly impossible for us to keep social norms. But besides this, it appears that Nigerians do not understand social etiquette of any kind. Simple things like saying “excuse me”, “please”, or even “I am sorry” appear to be something alien to our vocabulary. A senior friend pointed out to me that when I send emails to international bodies, in the name of an organization I work for, I should use “please” and “kindly” profusely. He told me that no one owes me anything; the mere fact that people will even give you their emails and open a line of communication with you is a favour you should not take for granted. Now, none of us was born to know everything. But as one associates with people, particularly people who are successful, you want to watch how they do things, and you want to imitate them. It is this that has led me to consider writing on some wants in the Nigerian psyche. I am sure there are other wants you can list along with these, but I will be writing on the want of authority, humility, and morality in the average Nigerian.
Want of Authority
My mother of blessed memory will tell my siblings and me: “What you fail to learn at home, you will learn outside”. It is both a positive and a negative remark. Positive in the sense that parents are not likely to know everything, and they can’t teach a child everything that the child should know. Whatever might be lacking in the lessons we learn from home, we learn the rest outside the house. But in a negative context, it means this: if parents have laboured over children, teaching them all that they need to know, and still the children do not learn these social norms, society will teach them. It could be so bad that society will not just teach them, society could snuff life out of them. Lee Harvey Oswald shot President John Kennedy dead in 1964. There have been all kinds of conspiracy theories that have followed that assassination. But a recent documentary by the People’s Profile revealed that the young man was an unstable person whom the mother failed to correct or discipline. Two days after Kennedy was killed, a man called Jack Ruby approached Oswald and shot him dead while he was being paraded before the press. When Ruby was questioned, he explained that he was not sent by anyone; he just could not understand why the earth should still harbour a scum like Oswald.
There is a serious lack of a sense of authority in the average Nigerian mind – particularly our young people. It is an epidemic. I see a lot of young people who have never been under the authority of a father, and who despise authority. I work in the civil service, and I see a total lack of comprehension of order and authority. I see how people despise the concept of seniority in the office, and how they think that they are their own boss within the system. I see young people tear down the structure God has put within a church system; how they people pay little attention to counsel and advice from pastors and elders. I see people launch into life, making very important decisions, while paying very little attention to advice from people with more experience in life. It was the attitude of despising authority that led that young woman in the video yesterday to pay little regard to the instructions coming from the airline hostess for that flight. It plays out in everything our young people do, and I cannot imagine what the future of this country will be with a mass of young people who have no regard for authority.
Want of Humility
My children are thirteen and eleven. I find that the hardest lesson for them to grasp, in all the years their mother and I have raised them, is learning to say “Good Morning” each day to their parent. They simply forget to do it, and every day I remind them. It is an important lesson on humility that I hope they will grasp one day. I am indeed their parent, and it is my responsibility to house, feed, and clothe them. But another fact is that I could choose not to carry out that responsibility. Yes, the world will call me an irresponsible father. So, for choosing to be a responsible father, I deserve a “good morning” each day. It is also an opportunity to teach the children to regard people around them. I did not live with my maternal grandmother that much, but the little time I spent with her on holidays showed me that the woman had regard for her neighbours. Early in the morning, as we headed to some outing, grandma would greet everybody on our street before we hit the road to take public transport. I don’t do that today; I do not have the time and energy. But, perhaps, it is a culture that “civilisation” has stolen from us.
There is a biblical concept that Jesus taught himself. He said that when you come into a public gathering, don’t just go and sit in the place for distinguished guests. Even if you are such a person, humble yourself and sit at a lowly place. Allow the people who think you are worth the seat to invite you to sit there. He said that if you go and sit somewhere that is not meant for you, you will not be able to handle the embarrassment that comes with being told to vacate that seat. It is a lesson in humility that all of us can learn. It means that while you and I know our intrinsic worth, we don’t shove it at people’s faces. It is the reason why I never seek anything for myself. I don’t seek interviews; I don’t seek jobs; I don’t ask people for favours; etc. I understand that I carry intrinsic value, and if people do not see that value today, they will see it tomorrow. And if they never see it, perhaps I need to work on increasing my worth. I must ensure that I never make myself more than what I am. It is better to think lowly of oneself, and to allow others to praise you. Pictures are emerging on social media and revealing that the girl in the video yesterday might be a slot. Many of her pictures were those in which she was wearing revealing outfits. Like they say, the empty things are the ones that make the loudest noise. You lose nothing by being humble.
Want of Morality
Let me confess that want of authority and want of humility are all offspring of a want of morality. Yet, I think that the question of a society deficient in morals is still worth talking about. The big irony with Nigeria is that this country is so religious, and yet its people are so deficient in morals. I watched a video of an older Nigerian man who lives in the United Kingdom. He explained that he had no plans of returning to Nigeria to retire. He said that all his friends who have tried it returned with stories of woe. He said everyone appears to be a thief in Nigeria. It is called “gbajue” – see my video on the same subject in that link. A culture where it appears that everyone is trying to cheat the system. We have exalted money so much that we pay little premium to doing the right thing, contentment, delayed gratification, hard work, and loyalty. Everyone appears to be in a hurry to nowhere. There is a death of a sense of doing the right thing in this country. When you fly in a plane, the first thing that is done is that the air host/hostess will come to the front and explain a few things to you, especially with regards to emergencies on the plane. People who have flown a lot do not pay attention to these instructions because they are used to them. But no matter how many times I have flown in a plane, I pay attention to those instructions – simply because it is the right thing to do.
Life is like taking a path through a maze. At each juncture in life, you are required to decide on issues. A person who is steeped in morals will have a sense of knowing what to do at each juncture. As a pastor, people often come to me with questions of “who should I marry?”; “what job should I take?”; etc. Just two days ago, I was invited to speak on the subject of whether a Christian sister should marry a Muslim man. The truth of the matter is that life is all about decision-making. If you and I have learnt to make decisions to do the right things with regard to simple matters, when the hard questions of life come, you will not find it difficult to make those decisions. And even when you still cannot find the right answers, with prayers and in the multitude of right counsellors, you will make the right decision. If, however, you have lived a life of rebellion, a life where you despise authority, and where you think you are above everyone, the hard questions of life will hit you, and you will have no answers for them.
Conclusion
At the university, we did a course titled “Moral Philosophy”. It was one of those courses I rushed through: where I simply depended on a handout and past questions to prepare for, and then ensure I had a pass mark on. Perhaps it is one of the reasons why our society is so bereft of sound morals – we rush through important points of life, and fail to learn the lessons we ought to learn from them. Before the story of that girl surfaced yesterday, the great Fuji maestro, KWAM 1, was almost run over by a plane, too. He was doing “bigmanism” and refused to surrender a drink he had with him on the plane. He was deboarded, and Nigerians were greeted with that unsaintly sight.
There is a deep lack of social etiquette among Nigerians, and it is the reason why our people are becoming pariahs in other nations. Presently, xenophobia has resumed in South Africa. South Africans are demanding that Nigerians leave their country. They are going to the point of denying Nigerians health care in that country. The same goes with Ghana also. While xenophobia must be condemned, perhaps we have made ourselves odious to other nations because we simply lack social skills. Sincerely, this problem is not the other person; this problem of great want in the social mannerisms of Nigerians is something that all of us are guilty of. The young woman in yesterday’s video only reminded us all of ourselves.
Deji Yesufu is the pastor of Providence Reformed Baptist Church Ibadan. He is the author of HUMANITY. He can be reached at [email protected]
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